The more creative thoughts and ideas my mind could generate, the more positively successful I would be in my endeavors. And the more this happened, the more contentment and satisfaction with myself I will achieve.
So I used to read articles on topics like 'enhance creative thinking' and 'critical thinking' and generally read a lot, watch a lot of varied documentaries, etc.
Of course, I know that just the thoughts can't build castles out of thin air: the real-world physics still applies to everything.
What I build today is physically dependent on what I have accumulated until yesterday, and the physical energy and competence I have built within me till yesterday.
And which direction I build in, is dependent on my mind's conditioning.
If my mind is conditioned (by my social structure and my own choices) to create a specifically-balanced ratio between Personal, Family, Career, Leisure etc, I will build my today based on that ratio.
But I considered an all-powerful mind to be the key to achieving this: after all, isn't the mind the driver of all our actions?
Don't get me wrong: a sharp and creatively fresh intellect is most definitely needed to be able to build anything: physical, emotional, psychological, financial, etc.
And having a physically fit body that has the energy to carry out this building every day is also most definitely needed (and hence my consistently recurring goal to stay physically fit).
But to be able to use this sharp intellect and the physical body in a sustainable and fruitful manner, as I have come to realize, there is a practice or a way to be learned: that of Mindful awareness (or consciousness).
This mindfulness, or consciousness, directs the mind to work in the most friction-less and most lubricated path.
The contradictions or the confusions which once boggled the mind start getting simplified.
Everything in the world doesn't seem to be wrong, not everything right as well: it is a certain sense of acceptance of everything as it is: letting everything be the way it is and being at peace with it.
Of course this doesn't mean being passive or submissive: in fact, it gives that clear head on what is in one's physical control (and make efforts in this scope - not complain or blame anyone for this) and what is beyond one's physical control (and hence no point in bothering oneself much about it).
There is no pre-determined right and wrong choice: it is always the 'best possible response' according to my mind, at that point in time when that response is needed.
This means no looking back and kicking myself "Oh, I could have done something else", and not making any pre-judgments or rules like "Next time something similar happens, I will always respond in this specific way".
And of course this doesn't mean not learning from experience: it just means not setting anything in stone; being open, keep on learning, and every time a new situation comes, respond with the 'best possible response' according to one's mind, experience and intuition, at that point in time.
No decision or choice is ever the right one - unless we go through it, and accept the consequences - whatever they may be.
It seems there is a sense of completeness or many pieces of a puzzle slowly fitting into their places.
Although this state of being is so much simplified, explaining it in words is the most complicated task: it can only be completely understood by one who experiences this, and never by someone who hasn't ever felt this clarity even once.
Keeping the physical body and mental mind healthy seems to be the basic step in this direction: In trying to keep me aware and awake most of the time.
And following certain Yoga practices keep me in touch with this practice - of being present in the moment, of being aware of my own actions, and being in a state of joyfulness most of the time.
How I wish I can be like this all the time: with no compulsive behaviors and reactions to situations around me, but conscious of my actions and responses all the time, along with being joyful.
Sometimes I get self-conscious, which I know isn't healthy - accepting everything and everyone means accepting oneself as well.
Of course, I want to be better, but that process needs to always start from a neutral plane, not a negative self-image.
I don't need to be 'inferior' to try to become better - I am what I learned and experienced until now, and I will try to be better. There's nothing wrong with myself - whatever I am, there's always scope to be more.
And there doesn't need to be any self-judgment, just like there doesn't need to be any judgment of others.
Not judging means not judging at all - there's no one who is better than anyone else - everyone is doing their best.
Of course, when it comes to specific skills and competence - some people are more skilled because they have put their time and effort in that field.
And my mind and heart have so much respect for that - anyone who is putting efforts into their skills and competencies, in line with inclusiveness and sustainable growth.
But essentially, everyone is the same: they are all humans and they are all trying their best to do whatever they know, the best.
We may not agree with what is best: A Radically brainwashed terrorist who kills people thinks he is doing his best for the world, and he needs to be put down for the sake of the safety of others.
But who am I to judge him: it's his karma, his actions. I judge his actions, not the person.
I am in-charge only of my thoughts, my actions or my inactions.
The more inclusive my consciousness becomes, the more inclusive my thoughts become, and this makes my actions more and more inclusive.
If I start thinking of the entire planet as my own - my actions start becoming more and more gentle towards the planet - I start thinking about how to live so that I consume the least amount of resources, I waste the least amount of resources, I re-use and recycle the resources that are under my control as much as I can, I pollute my planet the least amount I can, I manage my family's waste to the best of my ability, I follow leaders and institutions who are trying to do something for the planet, I vote for democratic candidates who seem most inclusive, and I start sharing what I have with others around me.
And this last part of sharing what I have with others around me - it starts with my family, my friends, and whatever cause or institutions that I know around me, who are doing their tasks for the greater good of the planet.
The interesting and best part is - the mind understands that it will never be enough - no matter how much sustainable or inclusive my actions become - there always will be more that I can do.
So there is no end-goal or finish-line here - I shall die without any sense of accomplishment, but still, I would be happy that I lived with these directions in my thoughts and actions.
It's like the mind still wants the intellect to be sharp, creative, full of ideas.
But the mindful awareness is the gentle guiding light or a certain intelligence within myself which is providing directions - which makes my ideas, thoughts and hence action more and more inclusive, more and more tuned to my best response to the present moment, and doing all this with an ever-decreasing amount of mental friction.
People around us will always see us through their own sense of perception - like we see them with our sense of perception.
And hence, although we tend to see ourselves through their eyes (how they respond to us, how much they love us, how much they appreciate us, how much importance they give to us) they will never be able to give us the best sense of ourselves.
Only we can know ourselves the best; and once we start knowing ourselves more and more, the need for validation and approval from people around us grows less and less.
It doesn't mean that what people close to us think about us doesn't matter - it just means that it matters more what we think of ourselves and that we are comfortable with ourselves.
It means that we accept ourselves which whatever we are, along with trying to be better and more than what we were yesterday.
Life is best lived as a sustainable adventure - breaking something which exists without a better alternative won't ever be an effective long-term solution.
The seeking continues...
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